


These are the Memories (I Keep Buried Deep)

by StupidGenius



Series: Some of Us are Human [3]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Hallucinations, Lydia Martin & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Mental Instability, No Fluff, Panic Attacks, Pre-Slash, SPOILERS FOR THE LATEST TW EPISODE, Stilinski Family Feels, like at all, seriously though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 16:52:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4444190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StupidGenius/pseuds/StupidGenius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“I can see it in his face, he’s going to kill me!”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“He’s ten, Claudia. It’s just the dementia. He’d never hurt you.”</em>
</p>
<p>But he did. He did hurt her. He talked too much, hugged too tight, took up too much space. He hurt her just by being there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	These are the Memories (I Keep Buried Deep)

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know why i do this to myself. 
> 
> Spoilers for the latest episode through out the fic and in the end notes.
> 
> (Lets pretend Theo just left right after and didn't fucking say shit because i hate him)

He feels like someone ripped his throat out.

Like he’s been stabbed straight through his heart, and the only one that noticed was him.

He can’t breathe, and all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and his mother’s words echoing around him. It was like that one memory opened the door to so many others. All the times she hissed when he touched her, the times she screamed at him to leave, to just leave, why isn’t John here? That look on her face every time she realized that no, that wasn’t a murderer. That was her son.

_“I can see it in his face, he’s going to kill me!”_

_“He’s ten, Claudia. It’s just the dementia. He’d never hurt you.”_

But he _did_. He did hurt her. He talked too much, hugged too tight, took up too much space. He hurt her just by being there.

“Stiles.”

There were so many of them. So many times he wanted to run and hide. So many times he did. His father was wrong. His panic attacks didn’t start when she died. They started the first time she forgot who he was. There was just never ever one there who cared enough to help. Because sometimes, that woman on the bed wasn’t his mother. Sometimes, she was just a shell.

“Stiles!”

It’s like all the noise filters in all at once, and it’s too much. It’s all so much. There are hands on him, and people shouting, and his heart is beating _too hard_. His lungs were burning, and every breath hurt.

“Come on Stiles, breathe, _please_.” He wanted to say he was trying. He really was. But everything hurt so much.

“What’s…with him?”

“Liam, go…Get Nurse…call…dad.” That was Lydia. Lydia was grabbing his face, shushing him. His heart was beating so hard, she had to hear. Had to be able to feel it under where her palm was pressed to his chest, feel it threatening to break his ribs. “It’ll be okay.” He thinks she says. He’s not sure. Everything is fuzzy, and he can’t hear anymore.

The last thing he sees is Scott’s mom running across the roof.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Where are we?” Derek asks. Stiles blinks. He hadn’t realized Derek was there.

It comes to him in a rush, all those memories he’d forgotten, and he cries out, falling to his knees. It hurts like a physical pain, and he can’t help it.

“Stiles!” Derek shouts, and then his hands are Stiles’ shoulder, feeling just as real as they did before he left. “Hey, come on, what happened?”

“Oh god.” He chokes out. “I killed her. I killed her. It’s all my fault.”

“What? Stiles, what’s wrong?”

“I killed her.” He whispers, and then the room changes.

They’re in the hospital, and Stiles knows what’s going to happen. Sees the the sort of confused look his mother sends his way. Derek’s looking around, and Stiles just want to curl up and leave. He’s never not wanted to be asleep so much in his life.

_“Who are you?”_ His mother asks.

“Mom.” He sobs, squeezing his eyes shut. He doesn’t even need to look to know Little Stiles has gotten up now.

_“’m Stiles, remember mommy?”_

_“I don’t have a son.”_ Derek’s hands grip his arms tightly. “Why are you here?!”

_“I-I always come by a-after school. You asked –”_

_“Get away from me!”_

_“Claudia?”_

_“He’s going to hurt me!”_

“Stiles.” It’s Derek.

“I killed my mom.” He whispers. “It’s all my fault.”

“No it’s not. Stiles, she was sick, okay? She didn’t mean it.”

“Yes she did. They both meant it.” Derek’s looking at him like he’s never seen him before, and it scares him.

“What’s happening over there?” Derek runs a hand through Stiles’ hair, and it does call him a bit.

“Th-the Dread Doctors. They…they got to all of us.” He looks up. “Sometimes I think you’re not really here.” He admits.

“I’m coming, Stiles. I promise, I’ll be there.”

“You said that last time.” He closes his eyes again. “You say that every time.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

When he wakes up, he’s cold. He’s shivering, and he knows he should be warm, because he’s under what feels like a ton of blankets, but he can’t. He hasn’t felt warm since the nogitsune.

He doesn’t even have to open his eyes to know he’s in a hospital room. He can hear the low voices in the background, the faint beeping from a room down the hall. he feels more exhausted than he did before he fell asleep, and that’s when he realizes.

He didn’t fall asleep.

He passed out.

He must let out a noise, or shift or something, because there’s suddenly a hand on his forehead, a voice calling out to him.

“You awake, kiddo?”

“Dad.” He croaks. And then he’s crying.

It’s loud. It’s broken wails and fat tears, sobs wracking his body. He clings to his father like he hasn’t done since he was ten, and he cries into his shoulder. The whole hospital can probably hear him. His dad doesn’t seem to mind. He just rocks him, and Stiles hates himself for doing this. For worrying his dad more than he already has. But he can’t. He can’t deal with this. It’s the last straw.

He’s well beyond broken now.

“She didn’t mean it, son.” His dad assures him.

“But I _did_!” he sobs.

They spend the night like that, crying, his father whispering reassurances to him until he calms down. He doesn’t know what happens  to the pack during that time.

He can’t bring himself to care.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Scott? It’s Derek.”

“Derek?! We thought – you’re a fucking asshole. Do you know –”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m coming back.”

“You are?”

“Yeah. I…I need to see him.”

“Are you sure? Sure you’re not going to mess with his heart and then fucking break it and leave again? Because he can’t handle that Derek. He can’t.”

“I thought it would help.”

“It didn’t.”

“I know that now. I just…I want to help.”

“…”

“We’d love to have you back.”

**Author's Note:**

> IM SCREAMING??? I ACTUALLY CRIED DURING THIS EPISODE. I TEXTED MY BOYFRIEND LIKE ‘OH SHIT WHAT IF HE REMEMBERS SOMETHING ABOUT HIS MOM’ AND HE DID I REGRET EVERYTHING.
> 
> FUCKING
> 
> I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING ELSE ABOUT THIS EPISODE ASIDE FORM THAT HORRIBLE SHIT I JUST WITNESSED. tHIS IS WHY HE FEELS GUILTY. BECAUSE OF THIS. I'M CRYING. TEN YEAR OLD BABY STILES WITNESSED THIS. hIS MOTHER THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO KILL HER. THIS IS toO MUCH FUCKING ANGST.


End file.
